My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
