she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
