You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
