theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
