he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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