Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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