id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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