I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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