bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
