I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
