...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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