can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
