As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
