Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
