Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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