Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He did a backflip because drugs
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize