At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
