wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
