bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
