i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
