is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
