I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
