Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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