It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Blood and glitter go together right?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
