On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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