I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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