she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize