Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
