Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
