Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize