that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
