He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
