He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
