I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
