exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Welp...herpes.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
