Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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