found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
