it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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