I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
