His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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