i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
