Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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