Kiss
Puke
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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