this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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