thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
