he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
