So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
