You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
