No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
