I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize