She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
