I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
