Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
