they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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