Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I could make wine with my vomit
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize