roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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