Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
