Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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