I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
