Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
