And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
