you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Houston, we have a squirter
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
