And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
