i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
