I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
