my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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