I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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