I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
