I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
