my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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