On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
