it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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