careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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