Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
